I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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