Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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