We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
