I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
