She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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