saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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