i think my tv is drunk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
