I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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