Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
