Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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