Betty ford says i'm here all night
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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