i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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