I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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