He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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