I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
