from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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