But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
