I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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