I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
