no, he came in my armpit
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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