The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how does that bad decision feel?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
