Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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