New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He better not be in your backpack
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
