i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
