We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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