I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
