Can Purell be used as lube?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she told me i tasted like america
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
