I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
