Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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