that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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