shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
