whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
