And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
