Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
