He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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