Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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