i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
