somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
