My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
