oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
