I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
