We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
