we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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