OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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