This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
