I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
