You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
