I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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