you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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