she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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