I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
