....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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