literally had 100 drinks last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
