hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
