She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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