I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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