My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
