Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
