you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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