I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
