whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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