my room smells like sperm. sweet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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