i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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