i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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