why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
