Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
