your room smells of hookers.
And success
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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