new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
