Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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