I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
