I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
