just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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